Tolerance isn’t Partnership
1 November 2007“You are intolerant. You are judgmental.”
Not the kind of thing I enjoy hearing after walking off the stage after speaking. However, this, along with several other comments I’ll leave in the archives of my mind, is exactly what was said to me at an event where I spoke last week. I also heard from several teens online in the days following this event who vocalized similar “affections” toward me. There were about 1,200 students who attended this event. Therefore, I have to believe that there may be others who feel the same. This is why I want to address these concerns.
The topic of this event was “Dating.” The reason I was labeled as one who is intolerant and judgmental is because of a particular question I addressed while speaking. The question:
Is it okay to date someone who is not a Christian?
My answer to this question is more questions:
Would you want to marry someone who doesn’t believe there is a Heaven, hell, or God, and doesn’t believe that Jesus is his or her Savior?
Would you want to marry someone who wouldn’t embrace reading the Bible, going to church, and praying?
Would you want to marry someone who wouldn’t instill in your children godly character and the practices of praying, going to church, and reading the Bible?
As I shared at this event, I hope the answer to each of these questions would be a definite no from you. If this is the case, then why would you choose to date someone who wouldn’t do these things? I’m not saying you have to think you’re going to marry every person you date. But I do believe that any person you date should be “marriage-worthy.” If not, why spend the time dating him/her? And the first question on the marriage-worthy test should always be: Is this person a Christian?
If you have heard me speak before, then you know I always challenge you to look beyond my words and look at what the Bible says. Check out what 2 Corinthians 6:14 (MSG) has to say about partnering with a nonbeliever:
Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? Who would think of setting up pagan idols in God’s holy Temple? But that is exactly what we are, each of us a temple in whom God lives.
Go back and read it again. Did you see it? This verse is saying when you choose to unite with a nonbeliever, it’s as if you’re setting up a pagan idol in God’s temple. That’s pretty serious stuff. I mean, God warns us against making idols and worshipping other gods in the Ten Commandments. In this case, opposites do not attract.
Therefore, according to Scripture, when it comes to who you choose to date (and one day marry), this person should be one who desires to place God at the position of most authority in his/her life. One student at this event said to me, “Jeffrey, that is being judgmental. We are taught (in our church) to love everyone and accept everyone. Who are you to judge them and say that I can’t spend time with them?”
My response – I am not judging anyone. And I most definitely am not saying you should never spend time with this person. It’s not an issue over “judging another” or “not accepting another.” It is an issue of “partnering with them” in a relationship that could develop into a life-long commitment. The Bible, not Jeffrey Dean, is saying that if you choose to do so, you are choosing to “…setting up pagan idols in God’s holy Temple.”
This doesn’t mean that you are turning your back on an individual, not accepting them, or choosing not to love them. What it does mean is that you are striving to protect God’s temple (your body – see 1 Corinthians 6:19) from becoming something God never intended it to be.
Jesus Himself spent time with the lowest of the low while He walked this planet. He dined with prostitutes, liars, thieves, murderers, and the likes. But He did so, not to partner with them. Rather, to point them to His Father.
So the question becomes, “Can you, just as Jesus did, choose to impact others by accepting them, loving on them, and sharing truth with them?” Absolutely! We should do no less. But there is a huge distinction between accepting one who is lost and partnering with one who is lost. Don’t let Satan muddy the matter in your head in his attempt to lure you into a relationship that could pull you away from God.
Acceptance and partnership are two different things entirely. In your quest to reach out to the world in love, don’t confuse the two. To be tolerant doesn’t mean one foolishly and flippantly partners with another just for the sake of being nonjudgmental. Tolerance is the act of accepting another regardless of his/her lifestyle convictions. But tolerance without the intent to point others to Jesus is, in and of itself, a foolish interpretation of Scripture.
In reference to dating, it may seem innocent to date a non-Christian. You may think that in time you can “win them over” or that it’s just dating, not marriage, so it doesn’t matter. But the Bible warns that you’re walking on dangerous ground when you choose to unite (even just for a few dates) with “those who reject God.”
I am married to Amy. I have two daughters, Bailey and Brynnan. Though we rarely have a winning season, I am a Razorback fan. I am a pastor, author, and communicator. I love teens, ice tea, Mac, and I believe any day is a good day when it is spent on my boat.
