Jeffrey Dean Blog

After counseling with many of you this weekend at Springhill, I sensed frustration with some of you and the friendships you have.  I know it isn’t easy maintaining healthy relationships with your friends. And, finding and keeping healthy relationships that honor God isn’t always easy. Strong relationships require a strong commitment.

Your friends play a powerful role in your decision making. You can’t always control the choices your friends make or how they might choose to treat you.  But you can determine what kind of friend you will be to them.  We talked a lot on Sunday morning about what it means to be “love” to another.  Here are a few ideas on how you can find good friendships and make them last, be a good friend of love, and avoid becoming the “fool” your friends don’t want to be around:

BE TRUE BLUE

One sign of a true friend is loyalty.  Anyone can be a good friend when everything’s perfect. But it takes a person of integrity to be a trustworthy friend who sticks around even when times are tough. Being someone who’s faithful isn’t always easy. Loyalty to your friends means that you:

-   are willing to defend them,

-   are willing to overlook their faults,

-   are forgiving, and

-   aren’t going to talk about them behind their backs.

Check out this verse: A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17:17 (NIV)

BE HONEST

True friendship = honesty.  Sometimes, in order to be a good friend, you have to be willing to confront your friends about their unhealthy or un-Christianlike (is this a word?) behavior. Doing this can help them see their real selves by removing the mask that covers their true identity, their fears, or the ungodly lifestyle they may be embracing.  A true friend is honest, even when it hurts.

BE A STANDER

Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as much as it depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” A key word in this verse is the word if.  This word is proof that you can’t control the choices of your friends.  You can try and be a friend who encourages them to do the right things in life, but you can’t control their response. They may get angry with you. They may resent you. But encouraging them to follow Christ is one of those “if moments.” You’ve got to do it, even if it disturbs the peace.  Whether your friends choose to listen or not, you have to stand up for what’s right.  Be confident.  Be true to who you are, even when your friends don’t like it or don’t approve of it.  Be a friend that stands for what is good and right, even when others don’t.

BE YOU

Don’t try to be someone you’re not. Real friendships are based on trust, so you should never try to fake it with your friends. If you’ve chosen your friends wisely, they’ll like you as you are anyway. And they’ll be hurt if you’re not always honest about yourself with them.

BE A PUSHER

Remember we talked about this Saturday night – - Be a friend that pushes others toward a committed relationship with God.  Challenge them to spend time with Him reading the Bible and in prayer.  Encourage them to pursue God’s plan for their lives so they can also become the person God wants them to be.  Proverbs 27:17 (NIV), “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

BE GOD’S FRIEND

If you haven’t figured this one out yet, wake up!  Every thing we discussed this weekend always pointed back to God.  The best way to be a good friend to others is to learn from the One who wrote the book on friendships. Just like your earthly friendships, you can’t learn from God until you commit time to Him.  When it comes to being a good friend to others, your allegiance to God must come first.

Remember, life isn’t about acquiring as many friends as you can.  Proverbs 18:24 (NIV) says, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Rather than competing to be everybody’s friend, be wise in choosing a few close friends who you can do life with.  Meaningful friendships don’t always come easy.  And there will be times when distinguishing between healthy and unhealthy friendships will be hard.  But as you commit to stay in consistent communication with God, He’ll give you wisdom to know the difference.

Here are a few questions for you to consider about your friendships:

Do my friends push me closer to or pull me away from God?

Do I have friendships with fools?  If so, what am I going to do about it?

What characteristics do I look for in a true friend?

My prayer for you is that you will ask God to bring you true friendships that honor Him and that He will grant you wisdom to choose good friends and courage to walk away from those who’ll separate you from Him.