In recent weeks, I have seen, heard, and read the news about bullying across our nation. In a USA Today article this week highlighting the results from a recent survey, 50% of U.S. high school teens say they have bullied someone at least once in the last year. Almost half of U.S. high schoolers polled said they have been bullied at least once in the last year. The findings were the same for both public and private school teens.
This survey, conducted by the Josephson Institute of Ethics, also stated that 52% of teens have hit someone out of anger in the past 12 months. 37% of boys and 19% of girls surveyed say it is okay to hit or threaten a person who angers them. I blogged about this issue last week on another blog I write, thewisewayblog.com. I usually do not cross-blog by sharing the same information on both blog sites. However, after reading the article (Teens say bullying is widespread, USA Today), I feel it is important to share with you the information I blogged at thewisewayblog.com. If you are a teen, a parent/grandparent of a teen, or work with teens, you need to read this! Bullying is at an all-time high among teens today. And, it is no joke! It can be a matter of life and death. We must each do our part in saying “No!” to bullying and standing-up for another who is being bullied.
A bully is typically one who is dealing with an issue of some form or the other – a dysfunctional home life, anger, parents divorce, loss of a loved one, jealousy, and more. The person usually is using bullying as a coping mechanism to mask a greater issue. You are not bullied because you are weak. You are bullied because the bully is weak. In researching this, I have learned that most bullies share common characteristics. They like to dominate others and are generally focused on themselves. They also often have poor social skills and little empathy towards others. They think they are extremely confident. But in reality, they are often extremely insecure and put others down to make themselves feel more powerful.
If you or someone you know is being bullied, check out these suggestions to combat bullying:
1. Walk Away
A bully thrives on your reaction. If you walk away, ignore insults, or don’t respond to text/email(s), you are sending the bully the message that you just don’t care. You are telling the bully that his/her actions don’t effect you. Sooner probably than later, the bully will get bored with you and just move on.
2. Walk Proud
Be confident and hold your head high. You are not the weak one. The bully is. You are one of extreme value and significance. Take the high road, don’t retaliate, and walk confidently knowing you are not the one with the issue.
3. Get Help
If you are being bullied, I encourage you to go tell someone now! Don’t wait. The longer you wait, the more control you are giving the bully. He or she may think you are too scared to do something about it. Others might want to you to believe that telling someone makes you look weak. But you need to know that being bullied by someone has nothing to do with you being weak. You could be doing the bully a service by getting him/her the help needed to deal with the real issue at hand.
4.Get Proof
If you are being bullied online, via text, email, chat room, etc., then hold on to the evidence. Don’t delete it. When you do choose to talk with someone about this aggression towards you, having actual evidence will help in your defense.
5. Don’t Get Physical
Using physical force to deal with a bully never works! When you kick, hit, or push back, you are only making your bully more mad and showing that his/her actions are, in fact, getting to you. This will only fuel the fire more. And, it could cause you or others harm, not to mention, get you into trouble. Aggressive responses will lead to more bullying from the bully.
6. Keep Your Cool
It isn’t easy to maintain your composure when you are being bullied. I know – I’ve been bullied before too. But remember, your bully wants you to lose it. He/she wants to know that they have control over your emotions. But you must work hard not to lose it, not to retaliate, and not to look as though you are rattled.
7. Focus On (True) Friends
Focus on one or two close friends who you can count on and who can count on you. Talk it out with your friend(s). Let them know what is going on, how you are feeling, and how you are hurt. Be real with them and confide in them. Let them know you need their support and expect their support.
Remember, YOU ARE NOT THE WEAK ONE. Don’t ever let a bully convince you otherwise. You can’t control the actions of others. You can control your actions and stay true to you. You have control – control over you. Don’t let a bully control how you respond and live your life. It’s your life. Keep your cool and live it cool.
