Jeffrey Dean Blog

“Life’s not fair,” Jared wrote in a letter to me.  “My dad is gone, my mom is depressed, school stinks, and I’m sick of it.  I try to do what is right, but nothing seems to go my way!” Can you relate?  I know I can.  There’ve been many times in my life when I’ve had questions about why life can be so unfair. You’ve probably asked this before as well.

God has given us a great gift—a gift that people misuse all the time. He’s given you and me the free will to live as we please. And because we have the ability to choose, we can often choose the wrong things. So why did God give us the freedom of choice if He knew we could abuse it? God didn’t create clones (and aren’t you glad he didn’t?). He loves us and wants us to love Him in return.  However, true love can’t be forced or manipulated. So since God wanted real love from us, He had to give us the ability to choose. So we can choose to love Him…or not love Him. And that means we have the freedom to choose to do wrong.  Because there’s wrong in the world, there are many bad things that happen to people who don’t deserve them.

Second, (this isn’t the easy part to hear) there will be times in life when you have questions you may never have answers for.  We’ll never fully understand why God does all that He does and allows all that He allows until we reach heaven.  Check out what the Bible says: For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man’s spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. 1 Corinthians 2:11 (NIV) Ecclesiastes 11:5 (NIV) says this, As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.

Maybe your mom or dad has left your family or you’ve lost a loved one or you’ve been mistreated, abused, or abandoned by someone close to you.  When you can’t find a good reason for why such things happen, remember God fully understands your pain.  He suffered the greatest injustice of all time: allowing His perfect Son, Jesus, to be arrested, beaten, hit, spit on, cursed at, and then nailed to a cross to die.  He never deserved such treatment.  But He did it for you—for all of us.  There are circumstances that will happen in your life that often times can’t fully be explained or rationalized.  But know this, no matter the challenge, God is always on your side.  Even when answers to life’s troubles are hard (or even impossible) to find, God says, “I will always be with you and help you.” Joshua 1:5 (CEV)

Consider these questions. And then, take the answers to God.

What is an area(s) of my life that I question God about, frustrates me, or that I can’t fully explain?

Am I willing to surrender this area(s) to Him knowing He’s got it?

What steps will I take today to trust God more with my life?

I just spoke this morning at an elite private school in Dallas.  The reoccurring theme of my messages was: Ownership.  One’s ability to do right isn’t solely constructed upon the knowledge of right from wrong.  Such knowledge is a critical foundation upon which we all formulate our choices and shape our convictions.  But taking ownership in the knowledge we have by choosing to do right, essentially honoring God, is the key to living the surrendered life about which I often talk.

If you are a teen, you’re going through all the cliche teenager-y stuff that means you’re “growing up”—your body is changing, you’re learning to drive, and adults are always exclaiming about “how much you’ve grown.”  (I find myself saying this often to my two girls.)

“Growing up” is something your body does with little to no regard over your actions. You don’t choose whether or not you get older—you just do. But becoming something more than just an adult isn’t about just getting older.  It’s about taking ownership in your choices and making the effort to want to know God more (and live for Him.)

This something more I’m talking about is different for everyone.  It isn’t defined by how much you know about science, or how well you do in chemistry, or who your friends are, or how talented you are in music or sports.  It’s about taking ownership in this idea: God’s got it and I am going to work like made every day to trust that He will use all situations and circumstances of my life to shape me into the man/woman He knows I can be.

It isn’t about having all the knowledge of what lies ahead – it is about trusting that God knows what the future holds and He has your best interest at heart.  What is required of you in the process is to trust Him as He reveals it to you in each day, through each relationship, and in every challenge and celebration.

God does have a plan for you, and He’s not going to hide it from you. He wants you to know what it is. You just have to trust Him. Are you willing to trust God that much?  Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”

In other words, God is saying: “Give me a chance.  Let me prove to you that I have it all under control. Let me show you that I am capable of doing something amazing with your life. Let me make you into the person I created you to be.”

Maybe things in your life are okay right now. Nothing catastrophic has happened lately. But every time you look in the mirror you find something wrong with yourself, something that’s just got to be changed. Or maybe everything is wrong right now and all you think about is how you have to change every single thing about yourself. If you want to have the ability to fight that feeling and look in the mirror and be happy (or at least happier) with what you see, you need to give God a chance. Things may be good, but He can make them great. Whether you’re completely depressed or pretty happy, you always need God—because, in Him, you can be so much more than you ever imagined you could be. You can be who He created you to be.

Many emails I have been receiving as of lately seem to have a common theme, or should I say, question – “What is my purpose?”  Read these verses:

For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible…everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him. – Colossians 1:16 (MSG)

But with your own eyes you saw my body being formed. Even before I was born, you had written in your book everything I would do. – Psalm 139:16 (CEV)

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; – Psalm 138:8 (NIV)

Each of these verses is proof that you have a purpose.  You are no accident.  The last verse, Psalm 138:8, proclaims that God will fulfill His purpose for you. You do have a purpose.  It’s a God-given purpose.  And God wants to help you fulfill it. But while you’re waiting for your “big purpose,” you also have a purpose that’s constant, from the moment you accept Christ until the day you go to live with Him in heaven—witnessing to others. I’ve said it again and again on stages all across America: Your greatest privilege—and your greatest responsibility—is to be God’s mirror in your world. This is a purpose you don’t have to wait for God to reveal to you.

I LOVE THIS VERSE: Everything was created through him; nothing—not one thing! —came into being without him.  What came into existence was Life, and the Life was Light to live by.  The Life-Light blazed out of the darkness; the darkness couldn’t put it out. – John 3:5 (MSG)

God planned all of creation before time on Earth began.  Before there was light, animals, food, mountains, oceans, or deserts, God had it all planned out in His heart. When He dreamed the idea of creation, you were a part of that dream. He dreamed you. So no matter how insecure you feel, no matter how unworthy you feel, no matter how afraid you feel, you can’t let that stop you from pursuing God’s purpose for you. When you’re asking and He’s not answering, you have to trust He will answer some day.  And until then you have to do all you can for Him.

I’m headed to a camp this Friday that I frequently speak at – Camp Berea in New Hampshire.  I am going to be speaking about this idea of purpose and how we are called to live-it out daily – to GO! – to hold nothing back as we shine like the stars in the heavens, as Philippians 2 talks about. As I will tell those teens at Camp Berea this weekend, I too want you to know – You can’t sit back and think, “When I lose 20 pounds, then I’ll feel better about myself and I’ll be able to talk to people about God.” Or, “I don’t know enough about the Bible yet to do anything for God. Once I know more, then I’ll do what He wants.” Or, “When I feel more significant, or popular, or smart, or __________ (fill in blank) then I will live for God.”

You’re who He made you to be RIGHT NOW, and He has things for you to do right now. Don’t let anything hold you back. Know that you are here for a most amazing purpose.  Don’t wait around until you have all the answers to embrace your purpose.  Your purpose is happening everyday, in every relationship, in every struggle, and in every facet of your life!  So move forward knowing that you have today – no guarantee of tomorrow – today…to live out your purpose.

After counseling with many of you this weekend at Springhill, I sensed frustration with some of you and the friendships you have.  I know it isn’t easy maintaining healthy relationships with your friends. And, finding and keeping healthy relationships that honor God isn’t always easy. Strong relationships require a strong commitment.

Your friends play a powerful role in your decision making. You can’t always control the choices your friends make or how they might choose to treat you.  But you can determine what kind of friend you will be to them.  We talked a lot on Sunday morning about what it means to be “love” to another.  Here are a few ideas on how you can find good friendships and make them last, be a good friend of love, and avoid becoming the “fool” your friends don’t want to be around:

BE TRUE BLUE

One sign of a true friend is loyalty.  Anyone can be a good friend when everything’s perfect. But it takes a person of integrity to be a trustworthy friend who sticks around even when times are tough. Being someone who’s faithful isn’t always easy. Loyalty to your friends means that you:

-   are willing to defend them,

-   are willing to overlook their faults,

-   are forgiving, and

-   aren’t going to talk about them behind their backs.

Check out this verse: A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17:17 (NIV)

BE HONEST

True friendship = honesty.  Sometimes, in order to be a good friend, you have to be willing to confront your friends about their unhealthy or un-Christianlike (is this a word?) behavior. Doing this can help them see their real selves by removing the mask that covers their true identity, their fears, or the ungodly lifestyle they may be embracing.  A true friend is honest, even when it hurts.

BE A STANDER

Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as much as it depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” A key word in this verse is the word if.  This word is proof that you can’t control the choices of your friends.  You can try and be a friend who encourages them to do the right things in life, but you can’t control their response. They may get angry with you. They may resent you. But encouraging them to follow Christ is one of those “if moments.” You’ve got to do it, even if it disturbs the peace.  Whether your friends choose to listen or not, you have to stand up for what’s right.  Be confident.  Be true to who you are, even when your friends don’t like it or don’t approve of it.  Be a friend that stands for what is good and right, even when others don’t.

BE YOU

Don’t try to be someone you’re not. Real friendships are based on trust, so you should never try to fake it with your friends. If you’ve chosen your friends wisely, they’ll like you as you are anyway. And they’ll be hurt if you’re not always honest about yourself with them.

BE A PUSHER

Remember we talked about this Saturday night – - Be a friend that pushes others toward a committed relationship with God.  Challenge them to spend time with Him reading the Bible and in prayer.  Encourage them to pursue God’s plan for their lives so they can also become the person God wants them to be.  Proverbs 27:17 (NIV), “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

BE GOD’S FRIEND

If you haven’t figured this one out yet, wake up!  Every thing we discussed this weekend always pointed back to God.  The best way to be a good friend to others is to learn from the One who wrote the book on friendships. Just like your earthly friendships, you can’t learn from God until you commit time to Him.  When it comes to being a good friend to others, your allegiance to God must come first.

Remember, life isn’t about acquiring as many friends as you can.  Proverbs 18:24 (NIV) says, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Rather than competing to be everybody’s friend, be wise in choosing a few close friends who you can do life with.  Meaningful friendships don’t always come easy.  And there will be times when distinguishing between healthy and unhealthy friendships will be hard.  But as you commit to stay in consistent communication with God, He’ll give you wisdom to know the difference.

Here are a few questions for you to consider about your friendships:

Do my friends push me closer to or pull me away from God?

Do I have friendships with fools?  If so, what am I going to do about it?

What characteristics do I look for in a true friend?

My prayer for you is that you will ask God to bring you true friendships that honor Him and that He will grant you wisdom to choose good friends and courage to walk away from those who’ll separate you from Him.

If you have heard me speak before, then you probably have heard me mention Romans 12:2  – “Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you will discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.”

The simple of this verse is: Keep your mind spiritually sharp so that your mind doesn’t conform to the “time.” We live in a culture consumed by conformity of time.  We are notoriously unthoughtful and uncaring because we have so little time…or so we think.  We live busy, busy lives. And, I am convinced we miss many opportunities to be used by God in simple ways (that impact others in big ways) because we aren’t living in the renew.

To live in the renew means to look and listen for moments when God wants to show you something, speak something into your heart, or alert you for moments of ministry opportunities that are all around you. This is why Paul challenges us in Romans 12:2 to continually renew our minds; to never remove our spiritual ear-buds so that we are always dialed-in to what God wants us to hear.

It’s amazing how when you begin to get serious with God about wanting to be used, and approach each day with this desire, how God will take you up on the offer. I started this week by praying this simple prayer. “God, show me someone I need to love this week.” I wrote this prayer on a stickie and placed it on my desk.  I began the week wondering who (and if) God would show me that I need to engage.  Well, I wonder no more.  I had lunch Monday with a friend who needed a little encouragement about his business.  Monday night I prayed over the phone with a friend and his wife, both of whom I barely know, about their health and job.  Tuesday I spoke with a friend who is going through a divorce and just needed someone who would listen.  And, this morning I spoke with an employee at Panera that sat down next to me and started sharing with me about her life.  In each of these situations, I did not say or do anything supernatural.  I was just there, available, listening, and loving. It has been amazing how my one prayer, “show me someone to love” has so impacted my life this week…and the lives of others.  And, it’s just Wednesday!

All of this loving on others happened because I began my week giving God the invitation to renew my mind and show me moments of opportunities to be Jesus to my world.  Will you consider doing the same?

Make it your ambition NOT to conform to the lie that you just don’t have enough time.  Instead, pray asking God to renew you to His plan for the day. If you do, get ready! God doesn’t play around.  If you ask, He will provide the moments, the people, and the exact time you need to love another.

Fatigue.  Uncertainty.  Frustration. Restlessness.  Are any of these words too familiar to you?  Such words can be the catalyst to complacency. I’ve counseled with many who reach a point in their lives where they aren’t happy with how things are going and they begin to come to a place of giving up, letting go, and buying into the lie that things will never change.

One teen recently wrote me to say, “My life sucks.  Nothing is going right….and God seem so far away.  I’m beginning to question if it really matters if I give God time in my life.” What he was really saying was, “Things aren’t going the way I want.  God isn’t acting the way I want Him to.  So why try anymore?”  What a dangerous place in which to be.

Disappointment and uncertainty are two close companions that love to show up unexpected, crash a party, and leave behind a mess of mixed emotions, doubt, and fear. I know these two companions all too well.  I am the first to admit that I too often allow the circumstances of my life to shape my emotions in any given moment.  (Just ask those closest to me – they will quickly confirm this.)

I’ve learned (and am still learning) that when these feelings begin to slip in, I have to motivate myself to action! God is working on my heart to remind me that, as the Word says, His ways are not my ways.  Simply put, He doesn’t move and think and act as I always want Him to or expect that He will. He is God and I am not going to always be able to rationalize, make sense of, or even fully agree with all He does – or chooses not to do – in and with my life.

The key here is trust.  I often ask myself, “Do I genuinely trust God?”  My answer is, “Yes. I do trust Him.”  I then remind myself that trust doesn’t always mean understanding.  This is why Proverbs 3:5 reminds us to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding…” Lately I am reminded of the truth in this verse that trusting God is exactly about that one word: trust.  It doesn’t always make sense.  It won’t necessarily always add up.  It will not guarantee worldly success.  And, it often requires a willingness to be led into places that are difficult and dangerous.  (Think about the story of Jonah.  He was asked by God to go and share the gospel message with people who hated Christians and enjoyed killing them, peeling the skin of their faces, and hanging their skulls around town on poles.)

Life with God isn’t about complacency.  It is about the greatest of adventures.  He understands there will be times when we question Him.  He welcomes the questions.  He also desires we move past the questions to a place of trust, even when we don’t understand or receive the answers we pursue.

Destiny was at Springhill and she sent me her Top 10 List. I challenged the girls to make a list of the characteristics they hope to one day find in a future spouse.  Check this out ladies and remember, no guy is ever worth a compromise of your “beauty.”
My top 10 Characteristics in a guy are…
1. Has a Sense of humor
2. Some kind of religion
3. A love of music
4. Trustworthy
5. Nice
6. Kind to others
7. Respectful of others
8. Animal Lover
9. Family orientated
10. A sports person

I had an awesome time at Spring hill and I learned a lot about God, and myself. Thank you.