Christmas is the day that holds all time together. – Alexander Smith
life isn’t fair
12.21.10 17:39 by Jeffrey Dean
Has something ever happened to you that you thought was unfair? Probably so. (If you have heard me speak throughout the last year then you probably have heard me tell the story of the tragedy my brother experienced last year.) After all that he went through (and our family) I am convinced more than every that life isn’t always fair. Jared, a teen who wrote me recently, agrees with this statement. He said, “Life’s not fair. “My dad is gone, my mom is depressed, school sucks, and I’m sick of it. I try to do what is right, but nothing seems to go my way!” Can you relate? I know I can. There have been many times in my life when I’ve had questions about why life can be so unfair. You’ll probably ask this a lot too. And you’ll most likely have other people ask you this question when they find out you’re a Christian.
God has given us a great gift—a gift that people misuse all the time. He’s given you and me the free will to live as we please. And because we have the ability to choose, we can often choose the wrong things. So why did God give us the freedom of choice if He knew we could abuse it? God didn’t create clones (and aren’t you glad he didn’t?). He loves us and wants us to love Him in return. However, true love can’t be forced or manipulated. So since God wanted real love from us, He had to give us the ability to choose. So we can choose to love Him…or not love Him. And that means we have the freedom to choose to do wrong. Because there’s wrong in the world, there are many bad things that happen to people who don’t deserve them.
Second, (this isn’t the easy part to hear) there will be times in life when you have questions you may never have answers for. We’ll never fully understand why God does all that He does and allows all that He allows until we reach heaven. The Bible says:
For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man’s spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.
1 Corinthians 2:11 (NIV)
As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.
Ecclesiastes 11:5 (NIV)
Maybe your mom or dad has left your family or you’ve lost a loved one or you’ve been mistreated, abused, or abandoned by someone close to you. When you can’t find a good reason for why such things happen, remember God fully understands your pain. He suffered the greatest injustice of all time: allowing His perfect Son, Jesus, to be arrested, beaten, hit, spit on, cursed at, and then nailed to a cross to die. He never deserved such treatment. But He did it for you—for all of us.
Remember, whether you’re in your rock-star moment or you’re kissing the asphalt of life, God is always on your side. Even when answers to life’s troubles are hard (or even impossible) to find, God says, “I will always be with you and help you.” Joshua 1:5 (CEV)
your gift to mom & dad
12.5.10 17:00 by Jeffrey Dean
I’ve had conversations lately with many teens about struggles they are having with their parents. You too may be having challenges when it comes to all things mom & dad. Think about this: Exodus 20:12 (NIV) says, “Honor your father and your mother.” There’s no mistaking what God is saying in that verse. It doesn’t say to honor them unless you disagree with them. It just says honor them. Period.
Showing honor to your parents is easy on Christmas morning when they’re giving you that new iPhone or Starbucks gift card. Respecting their wishes when you don’t agree with them is a different thing entirely. In that situation, honoring them may not give you the result you’re after. But consistently being respectful will show your parents that you’re mature enough to obey them, even when you don’t feel like doing so. This’ll prove to be to your advantage someday. Take a look: “Obey your father and your mother, and you will have a long and happy life.” Ephesians 6:2 (CEV)
Think back to the last argument you had with your parents? What was it over? Does it even really matter today? If you’re being honest, you’d probably agree that most disagreements you have with mom and dad begin over little things. But if you’re not careful, these little things can start to become big things. When you and your parents disagree, it’s important to be honest and on point at the beginning so small disagreements don’t turn into all-out war. When you don’t communicate exactly how you feel, you build up a lot of anger and often end up saying something hurtful that you’ll regret later.
I realize it can be risky to be open and honest, especially when you assume the thing you’re going to say may not be received too well by your parents. That’s why you need to remember these three tips when you’re trying to resolve an argument:
1. Always speak with respect. Your parents may not agree with what you say. However, an honest word spoken with respect will get you a lot farther than an honest word spoken with disrespect.
2. Never speak with anger. This may mean that when an argument starts, you need to take time to cool down before a discussion continues. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A kind answer soothes angry feelings, but harsh words stir them up.” If you really want to resolve a conflict rather than keep arguing, then don’t forget this: Speaking out of anger will never resolve a conflict. It’ll only make it worse.
3. Choose your words wisely. Speaking honestly is important. However, this doesn’t mean you have complete freedom to babble on and on just to get your point across. Choose your words wisely. Proverbs 10:19 says, “You will say the wrong thing if you talk too much—so be sensible and watch what you say.”
Also, remember that your mom and dad aren’t perfect. Just as you don’t do everything right, neither do they. Sometimes respecting them means you give them a little slack. Think about that the next time things with them get a little heated. With Christmas right around the corner, make it your goal NOW to offer mom and dad a gift that can’t be bought – - Your honor to them. I guarantee you that such a gift from you to them will be one they never wish to return.
3 things God wants with us
11.19.10 13:53 by Jeffrey Dean
Several times this fall I have spoken on Exodus 33. On numerous occasions, I have been asked to blog about my thoughts on this interesting conversation between God and Moses. I love this passage, particularly how Eugene Peterson explains it in The Message. (I encourage you to spend a few moments reading it before you continue reading my thoughts. If you do not have a copy of The Message, you can go to www.biblegateway.com and search for Exodus 33:7-13 (MSG).
There is so much in this passage that validates God’s desire to communicate intimately with His people. Obviously, Moses understood this. Verse 7 describes how Moses used to take the Tent Of Meeting and set it up outside of camp as a place to go and meet with God. In this passage, Moses then enters the tent and it is here that we are able to have a glimpse into this important conversation he had with God. There are three things I want to point out about this conversation and the take-away for us all.
1. God wants face time with us.
Exodus 33:11 says, “And God to Moses face to face, as neighbors speak to one another.” Imagine such an intimate moment with God! Scripture says that the two of them spoke just as close neighbors do. This wasn’t a privilege reserved solely for Moses. It is one for you too. But it requires work on your part. Several times in the verses leading up to this conversation, we read that Moses was active in the process. He went to the tent. He set time aside to be with God. He understood that, even though he was a man of tremendous privilege, power, and position, to be a great leader he first had to be a humble follower…of God.
God wants to meet with you. He desires to talk to you, jut as you would your closest friend. But you have to do your part – take ownership – in spending time with God.
2. God wants us to be bold with Him.
Look at how Moses speaks to God, “Look you tell me, ‘Lead these people,’ but you don’t let me know whom you’re going to send with me. You tell me, ‘I know you well and you are special to me.’ If I am so special to you, let me in our your plans…Don’t forget, this is your people, your responsibility.” Can you imagine? Moses was real and bold as he talked with God. He didn’t hold back. He didn’t sugar-coat his feelings. He told God exactly what he thought…and God listened.
Do you think God knew how Moses felt before Moses even shared his feelings with Him? Of course He did. He’s God! He knew the situation, but He still welcomed the conversation. Why? Because He longs for a real relationship with His people. He longs for this with you. God knows everything about you, even the situations about you that you don’t fully get or understand. He knows what you will do before you even do it. And, He wants you to bring it all to Him. Moses was completely comfortable in bringing it all to Him. Are you this comfortable with God? If not, why not give it a try? God can handle it. This story is proof of exactly that.
3. God wants the lead in our lives.
After such a bold demand from Moses, God could have responded in any number of ways. He says to Moses in Exodus 33:14, “My presence will go with you. I’ll see the journey to the end.” Read what Moses says next to God in verse 15. “If your presence doesn’t take the lead here, call this trip off right now.” Moses understood there would be no success in the journey if God wasn’t the one in the lead. Of course, God knew this to. He is always in the lead, even when we think we are the ones leading. But, when you and I come to this realization, God is honored in our willingness to acknowledge His lead, and, we are more the better for it.
Giving God the lead can be one of the most challenging acts to master because it requires sacrifice. But, over time this process becomes easier. This was the case for Moses. When God first appeared to Moses on Mt. Horeb (Exodus 3) and spoke to him through a burning bush, Moses was freaked. He didn’t want to be used by God to stand before Pharaoh. He wanted God to choose someone else. He wanted to go back to shepherding for his father-in-law. But, over time, as he learned to trust God more and more, he learned what it meant to give God the lead in his life. The key: Experience. Personal experience plays a critical role in how you and I trust God. The more experience we have with Him, the more confident we become in trusting Him.
God allowed Moses access to Him in a very intimate and real way. He extends the same privilege to you. So, take ownership in your relationship with Him as you reflect on your experience with Him. If you do, I am confident that you too will see that He can be trusted with it all. And, the next time you pause to enter into your personal Tent Of Meeting, you will find, as was the case with Moses, God too is waiting to meet with you!
Bullying Is No Joke
10.26.10 13:00 by Jeffrey Dean
In recent weeks, I have seen, heard, and read the news about bullying across our nation. In a USA Today article this week highlighting the results from a recent survey, 50% of U.S. high school teens say they have bullied someone at least once in the last year. Almost half of U.S. high schoolers polled said they have been bullied at least once in the last year. The findings were the same for both public and private school teens.
This survey, conducted by the Josephson Institute of Ethics, also stated that 52% of teens have hit someone out of anger in the past 12 months. 37% of boys and 19% of girls surveyed say it is okay to hit or threaten a person who angers them. I blogged about this issue last week on another blog I write, thewisewayblog.com. I usually do not cross-blog by sharing the same information on both blog sites. However, after reading the article (Teens say bullying is widespread, USA Today), I feel it is important to share with you the information I blogged at thewisewayblog.com. If you are a teen, a parent/grandparent of a teen, or work with teens, you need to read this! Bullying is at an all-time high among teens today. And, it is no joke! It can be a matter of life and death. We must each do our part in saying “No!” to bullying and standing-up for another who is being bullied.
A bully is typically one who is dealing with an issue of some form or the other – a dysfunctional home life, anger, parents divorce, loss of a loved one, jealousy, and more. The person usually is using bullying as a coping mechanism to mask a greater issue. You are not bullied because you are weak. You are bullied because the bully is weak. In researching this, I have learned that most bullies share common characteristics. They like to dominate others and are generally focused on themselves. They also often have poor social skills and little empathy towards others. They think they are extremely confident. But in reality, they are often extremely insecure and put others down to make themselves feel more powerful.
If you or someone you know is being bullied, check out these suggestions to combat bullying:
1. Walk Away
A bully thrives on your reaction. If you walk away, ignore insults, or don’t respond to text/email(s), you are sending the bully the message that you just don’t care. You are telling the bully that his/her actions don’t effect you. Sooner probably than later, the bully will get bored with you and just move on.
2. Walk Proud
Be confident and hold your head high. You are not the weak one. The bully is. You are one of extreme value and significance. Take the high road, don’t retaliate, and walk confidently knowing you are not the one with the issue.
3. Get Help
If you are being bullied, I encourage you to go tell someone now! Don’t wait. The longer you wait, the more control you are giving the bully. He or she may think you are too scared to do something about it. Others might want to you to believe that telling someone makes you look weak. But you need to know that being bullied by someone has nothing to do with you being weak. You could be doing the bully a service by getting him/her the help needed to deal with the real issue at hand.
4.Get Proof
If you are being bullied online, via text, email, chat room, etc., then hold on to the evidence. Don’t delete it. When you do choose to talk with someone about this aggression towards you, having actual evidence will help in your defense.
5. Don’t Get Physical
Using physical force to deal with a bully never works! When you kick, hit, or push back, you are only making your bully more mad and showing that his/her actions are, in fact, getting to you. This will only fuel the fire more. And, it could cause you or others harm, not to mention, get you into trouble. Aggressive responses will lead to more bullying from the bully.
6. Keep Your Cool
It isn’t easy to maintain your composure when you are being bullied. I know – I’ve been bullied before too. But remember, your bully wants you to lose it. He/she wants to know that they have control over your emotions. But you must work hard not to lose it, not to retaliate, and not to look as though you are rattled.
7. Focus On (True) Friends
Focus on one or two close friends who you can count on and who can count on you. Talk it out with your friend(s). Let them know what is going on, how you are feeling, and how you are hurt. Be real with them and confide in them. Let them know you need their support and expect their support.
Remember, YOU ARE NOT THE WEAK ONE. Don’t ever let a bully convince you otherwise. You can’t control the actions of others. You can control your actions and stay true to you. You have control – control over you. Don’t let a bully control how you respond and live your life. It’s your life. Keep your cool and live it cool.
i (don’t) got it
09.27.10 17:21 by Jeffrey Dean
I’m the guiltiest one in the room when it comes to wanting my own way. I like things the way I like things. I’m a dreamer, a planner, a strategist, and a goal-setter. I get set on something, get something in my mind, and often, my mind won’t let the “set” become “unset” until that thing becomes a reality. This can be a really good thing when my desire is to honor God by never compromising, never giving in to the flesh and never saying “quit” for the glory of God. This can be a really bad thing when I get so set on what I want, that I can’t see when my good intentions succumb to selfishness.
In ministry (and in life,) we have to really be careful not to confuse wanting my own way with pursuing His own way. Paul warns of this in 1 Corinthians 10:6-8 (MSG) when he writes, “We must be on guard so that we never get caught up in wanting our own way as they (the Israelites) did. And we must not turn our religion into a circus as they did…” How easy it can be to use the excuse of “ministry” and “religion” to satisfy our own selfish ambitions, desires, and personal need to be known.
I had coffee today with a youth pastor friend of mine in Texas (okay, coffee for my friend, ice tea for me – the non-coffee drinker.) He spoke of this very thing. He said that God had really convicted him lately that it wasn’t about him. His words were, “I had to replace the ‘I got it’ mentality with, ‘God’s got it…I’m just along for the honor of it.’” How convicting were his words to me personally. I do believe God has given me a clear vision for ministry in my own life, and, how he desires I use the gifts given to me to bring Him glory. However, I was reminded today by my friend that though the gifts are mine, they giver of the gifts is still in charge of how it all plays out. And, it’s such an honor that God chooses to let me be a part of it all. This is probably what James meant when he wrote in James 4: 13-15 (NIV), “Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”
Strategy, creativity and implementation are critical to success in life and in ministry. Of course you know this. We say all the time at Jeffrey Dean Ministries that we must be about “doing our part.” I believe there is great responsibility for each of us to do our part and to do it well, particularly when it comes to kingdom work. But, as I was reminded today, God’s gonna do what God’s gonna do. He is almighty God. It all begins and ends with Him!
I hope you’ll take some time to consider these thoughts, and, maybe to ask yourself (as I did today) some hard questions about who really is leading you in your pursuit of all the things for which you are passionate. Yes, do your part, make your plans and be strategic in your pursuit for success. But, along the way, never forget, “God’s got it…I’m just along for the honor of it.”
springhill MS retreats
09.21.10 10:53 by Jeffrey Dean
Wow! We had two great weekends at Springhill, IN. It was so good to see many of you again from last year. And, it was super cool for me to make many new friends this year. Now that you are back home living life fast and furious as a junior higher, I hope you’ll take a moment to reflect on all GOD did in your life while at Springhill. As I shared with you on Sunday AM, the same God who spoke to you all weekend is the same God who wants to keep speaking to you each day. But you have to position yourself to listen. Remember the story I told you about “swimming out to the deep” with Him? Have you done that yet this week? Picture the deep end – the water, the noise all around you, the sun beating down on you… Now, imagine you dive into the deep, settle to the bottom, and in that quite moment, there God is…waiting…to talk…to listen…to you.
To help refuel your head with all the goodness we talked about last weekend, I have compiled a Top 10 of all I spoke into your life while at Springhill ‘10. I hope you will take some time to read and consider each thought on this list:
1. I am unique. God loves me so much that He created me unlike any other. He wants me to use my uniqueness to “reflect” Him to the world.
2. In 1 Corinthians 8:1-6, Paul was saying to those in Corinth (and to me) that I can believe what I choose to believe about many different gods. But, the truth is: There is only ONE God. I need only ONE faith to trust in Him. And, there is only ONE way to Him – Jesus Christ.
3. Sin = Rejection of God.
4. I know when I sin. I have to make an effort everyday to say “No!” to sin and say “YES!” to living out my purpose.
5. This world celebrates sin. I have to choose NOT to live in that celebration as Paul challenges in 1 Corinthians 10:11-12. (Remember the 23,000 deaths and poisonous snakes!)
6. I must accept “my part of the body” (1 Corinthians 12:25-31.) As I do, I impact culture in the way I was intended to – fearlessly and boldly!
7. God made me beautiful! Satan works to destroy my beauty. I must do my part to honor God, even if it seems I am the only one doing so.
8. As a woman, I have to surrender my “It” and be confident, pure, and determined!
9. As I man, it’s not about making out like mad (ha, ha – remember that?) It’s about praying for my dates (and with those I date,) my future dates, my friends, my parents, my anger, my lust, my thoughts, and myself.
10. 1 Corinthians 13 says it all: “It’s about love baby!” Remember who you need to love – and go do it!